Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
Con man seems like a perfect description. Not only has he weasled a way to get back in the house daily, but now he's staying there. So, he gets to verbally abuse you, in front of the children, because you don't trust him alone with them, but can't see your way clear to limiting their time with him.
I'd say, he's got you exactly where he wants you, and it sounds perfectly miserable.
L
Odd as it may sound I don't feel miserable at all. I feel much more in control of the choices I am making than I have in a long time. Granted I got snookered into his staying at the house again but it's giving me a chance to practice detaching. I have made it clear to him that the girls matter first and foremost to me and that I won't let him be alone with them until he starts to walk the walk. To go back on that would not be a good thing. The times when he is verbally obnoxious to me are when I engage and keep it going. Last night he snapped (late- well after bedtime) at me and I said simply "that's not acceptable" and walked away. This morning I got an apology (that I'll believe when I see behaviors change). His verbal nastiness is NOT okay but I have a role in it and I have contributed to the devolving conversations with the girls around by engaging with him when I know better.
Rules I laid out last night FYI:
- If I even think he is drinking he will leave. If he doesn't I will call the police and they can "test" him (and I did this once and he knows I will do it again).
- If he is staying at the house, he needs to be somewhere I am not (outside of the house) in the evenings and I don't want to interact unless it is to discuss practical matters.
- I will not accept being snapped at or talked to rudely period- whether the girls are around or not. If he can't be appropriate, he will leave. If he doesn't, I will call the police.
- He will bring the girls to school on a set # of mornings and do his share of "tasks" around the house. It is not a hotel. I will not clean up after him, make his meals, do his laundry etc...
I've NEVER been clear and unemotional about limits and what I will and won't tolerate and I intend to stick to these. I think that he thought he'd come back and act like he always has and that's not the case. I have a routine with the girls and if he is going to disrupt it he will need to leave.
So far he is pouting and mopey (not when the girls are up-- he puts on a good act) and I'm really just waiting for him to find a way to blame me and decide he is leaving again. His being at the house is not the cakewalk he thought it would be and I think that it might be good that he's seeing what I expect from someone who lives in my house with me...
I stupidly fell for the con that got him back into the house but I think he's the one finding himself surprised to be perfectly honest.