Originally Posted by
duqld1717 
Justsotired-How do you deal with the anxiety of not knowing when he will be going on his next binge? I know I would almost get panic attacks when a friday night would come....
For my EXABF , it was a cycle-binge for 1-2 weeks, detox, sober up, apologize to me white knuckle (laterally, no recovery, no AA, nothing), relative calm and normalcy and then the cycle would start all over again. I walked on so many eggshells, I should have lived in a henhouse.
I got the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach knowing that the cycle started all over again, not knowing what I would get blamed for this time around, what would happen, what would be said. There were nights I either cried myself to sleep or was awake most of the night, wondering if he was going to come to the living room and give me grief for sleeping out on the futon because I couldn't stomach the smell of stale beer. There's so much more that flashes through my mind at the drop of a hat and yeah, I guess it is a form of PTSD.
No, it's not a normal way to live and now that I have ended things, I'm taking the first stabs at normalcy, worrying about normal things, not stressing every time the phone rings, wondering at what stage of the cycle he was at - it's too much stress for anyone to bear.
Thankfully, I have been going to Al-Anon for quite a while and without meetings, readings and friends there and here at SR, I wouldn't have learned to detach, to let go and let god, I would still be obsessing over why he won't stop drinking.