Originally Posted by
Shellcrusher 
Ahhh jeez, tuffy. You can't catch a break. You work so hard on you and then another set of issues enters your life.
Side note: I think we're related. Well up until you mentioned the 3 kids of your sister, I thought your sister was my wife.
Anywho, my MIL is an enabler and so is my FIL. My AW is 100% spoiled brat and never needed to do much to run her life. She never really grew up. I know this is slightly different but I've detached from my inlaws in a big way. It's not up to me to decide what they do or don't do for their daughter, my AW. Also, just like our alcoholic's, we need to let them live their life and grow up.
Shellcrusher- Perhaps your AW and my AH should meet. Not only would they hit it off swimmingly, but our in laws sound like mirror images. My H NEVER once did his own taxes (to me this seems odd). Always gave them to his mom to do. Same with checking acct. Until we got married, his checking acct was in his and his parents name. Odd for a 25 yr old man to me. He can't find his way out of a paper bag (except to get to the liquor store) to do anything for himself bc he never had to. He was enabled and coddled his whole life by his mom in order to presumably "make up for" his absentee alcoholic father (who was physically there but not emotionally). His father has also been coddled by his wife, my MIL for as long as I've known them and then she cries that she can't leave him alone to live her life/go on vacation for fear that he won't "survive" without her. Gee, wonder who taught him that? And it's true- if she's gone more than a day he has a "crisis" and she rushes home to be with him. My AH has resented me for years for NOT being like his mother but I think that what attracted him to me in the first place was that I was strong and independent. He liked that until he realized that strong and independent ='s no coddling and he's tried his best to mold me into his mommy part 2 for years...
Sorry for the vent... I just really related to your post Shellcrusher...