Not an excause, just I don't want that everybody thinks he is an jerk or so. He is actually a good man, with a big issue.
I know this isn't the heart of the matter but this "good man" issue is a huge trigger for me and I just had to say something.
My mil has, for years, excused the abusive, violent, intolerable behavior of her AH (my AH's father) by saying "but he's a good man". In recent years she's said the same to me about my own AH (her son). This "good man" line seems to me to be an excuse for the alcoholism and accompanying behaviors.
Whether someone is good, bad or indifferent really has nothing at all to do with their alcoholism and the behaviors that surround it. And frankly, the way that many alcoholics behave is not in line with someone who is a "good" person. Does saying he is a "good man" make it easier to accept the unacceptable I wonder?
For me, hearing the "he's a good man" in the context of talking about someone's alcoholism-- it just makes my blood boil.
No one is going to care whether he was believed to be a good man or not. What matters is how he lives his life and how he treats others. And it seems to me that there aren't too many alcoholics capable of doing a decent or good job or living life well and treating others well when they aren't in recovery.
Just my two cents.