BobbyJ

AH moved away. Dang, between his rehab and moving away, its been almost 5 months away from him.

Detaching more and more away from his phone calls also.

Last night, I was thinking over the past 15 years. He is super sweet, you couldnt ask for a nicer guy. He drank everyday but never got drunk. He would catch his happy buzz...

Then he would have his drunk nights or weekends, that happen maybe every couple of months. But most of the time he was a happy loving,,,drunk.

Then 2 years ago, his drinking increased, which I wasnt totally aware of it. He switched to vodka and was drinking when I was at work, sobering up before I got home. But he was still nice, just went to bed by 7pm. His work habits went down the toliet, along with his personal hygeine, sex, and all aspects of our marriage & lives.

Then in December 2010, he became a full fledge drunk. It was very bad.He started drinking a fifth at 8am. Our marriage really fell apart now. He really became mean and ready to argue. Drinking and driving. The cops, the whole kit and kaboodle were not all in force in our lives.

When he had a few too many, of course, he would say mean things to the kids and me. I have a list of delightful events of my life, that were ruined due to him being drunk or even just smelling like whiskey...

Last night, the thoughts were running thru my head...
..."OH, it wasnt that bad"

It seems that when my anger starts to go away, I begin to feel that way.
..."OH, it wasnt that bad"


I do miss him
But yet, I dont want him back in the house with me

He has no recovery program
And Im honest with that in my heart, until he does, I know
there is no hope for us...

Does anyone else ever think that way?.."OH, it wasnt that bad"