Originally Posted by
sillysquirrel 
Isn't it strange....how they want us to need them, want them, rely on them....and on the rare occasion we really need them....they can't be there? This is a huge problem for my "R"AH and I. He hates how independent I am....but he made me this way. When I occasionally do need him for something or dare to ask for help, he is never able to give me what I need. And then I get mad at myself for even thinking that he could possibly help me out in any way, shape or form.
Thank you for putting this is writing.
It is
absolutely true.
I have discovered that I can do so many things now, that I never thought I'd even be able to think about doing... And I think it's because I was brave enough to venture forth and learn to do things while living under the false assumption that there was something else to back me up if things went wrong, mixed with the requirement for me to be strong and independent because I knew at the same time that he'd
never be there for me.
Some good came of this.
Thank you for reminding me!
wanttobehealthy, XABF was always talking about helping me, but never actually crossed the line into doing anything useful. Anything he did to "help me" resulted in more work for me. He'd hang a picture, and I had to hold the chair he was standing on, the pencil he'd use to mark the wall, the hammer, the nails,
and keep his pants from falling down. His version of cleaning the dining room table was to hand me things and tell me where I should move them. His version of helping with household chores was to rip up my bills and write little notes like "Please make bed" on the pieces and spread them around the house near the things he was complaining about. (No, I am not joking).
They don't know how to help, and so they never will, even if they think they are. XABF thought he was the most helpful guy in the world, and was always talking about how much he helped me and how I never did anything for him - but XABF is a walking to-do list, and he's not the one doing the doing.
Sometimes it's a good reminder to remember what we're leaving behind, so we don't mistake it for something we actually want.