Perhaps this would be better posted in the Mental Health section, as I'm doing fine as far as the substance abuse stuff, but I this is the forum I feel most comfortable posting in, so hopefully everyone will bear with me.
I'm really having a problem just dealing with life in general. Work is a big part of it. I work in sales and it is quite stressful, but to be honest, I think I'd have the same issues in just about any job. It's really all I've ever done, except for the years I worked as a radio DJ which is not an option to return to. The pressure is building to the point I feel like I'm going to snap. I'm only a few weeks out of the mental hospital since the last time I started freaking out. I feel like if I can't do this job, I can't support myself (I really only partially do that anyway, as I have been living with my parents for the last 5 years, basically since my suicide attempt). If I can't even contribute something financially, I feel completely worthless.
I am trying to use "feel" as much as possible, as in my heart I realize that these are feelings, not necessarily reality. I know at some point I will feel better. The problem is that I always still end up feeling like this, and I don't know how much more of it I can take.
I just about lost it at work today, and it was really nothing particularly bad that happened. I just feel the pressure building up inside to the point I want to hit something. I had to step to the back of the store and I almost put my fist though the wall. I was able to take some deep breaths and go back out and finish my shift but just felt so full of rage when I left that I had to stop myself from driving head on into the other lane. I kept seeing it in my mind, especially when I passed a big truck.
When I got home I went straight to the gym and worked out, almost to the point of being self abusive. I did feel somewhat better after that, but I am still feeling rather hopeless. If tomorrow is like this I think I am going to try to see my doctor on Wednesday, when I'm off work. I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to stay positive, but not doing very well with it. (Negativity right there, I guess) I'm exercising, meditating as best I can and trying to share how I am feeling. I just want to feel better. Is that too much to ask??