Hi wanttobe,
Coming from one person who struggles with boundaries, it does seem like you might be having a tough time with yours right now. Even though it is true that your husband needs to focus on himself right now, it takes two to maintain a relationship and a healthy family. It seems like he may be taking advantage of your generosity. Remember that many addicts tend do this, and if it was a behavior he learned before he was in recovery, it's another pattern he will have to break. Focusing on himself is not the same as completely disregarding your needs and the needs of your family. No, he cannot be expected to participate in the same way as you can right now. But I don't think it's unfair to want some help from time to time. You both elected to remain in the relationship following his recovery. Although sobriety needs to be top priority, you should still at least make the list. And the same goes for you, GettingBy. You both deserve to be in a relationship with a person who will show love for you, even if he has to put himself first right now.