letting him go
i think a few of you have hit it right on the nose. I am so happy to have found this website. I think if you are living with an alcoholic in a sense you have a recovery you must go through too. Although our situations are all slightly different we have a couple of commonalities: co-dependence and tolenrance for abuse of any sort.
About three days ago I finally worked up the nerve to leave my boyfriend of four years. I love him to pieces, but I realized I love the sober person and not the drunk person. I put up with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse For the past three years. I met him when he was sober: off weed, alcohol, and smoking. I loved that person. So by no means did I ask for this.
The night I left him I stayed with his unle and aunt...I am from out of town...and his uncle is just like him but of course older. We went to a bar to have a quick beer and just relax. His uncle excused himself and his girlfriend of 20+ years stayed and talked to me. She asked me the main problem. It was easy...drinking. She looked me in the eyes and said look at me I lived what you are living and I have seen what you may see if you stay with him. Do not live a life of regret because you wasted your time attempting to fix his. You will never fix it...he has to do it himself. Enter his uncle.
It finally clicked I looked at her, tears in her eyes, and saw myself fifteen years from then. I don't think it hit me until she said that. I realized I didn't want to leave him because I thought I could help him, I thought I could keep him from evil, but he needs to do it himself. I was afraid of losing him, his love, and his companionship. But I reflected and realied that was already gone, and it was up to me to stop being an ENABLER because by staying with him I was saying go ahead honey have another drink I'll still be here. I am only helping the problem if I left and fell of his radar. It's day three now that I haven't heard from him, it may last forever or he may figure it out. The point you are not helping him or yourself by staying with him....he needs to hit a low before he can reach a high.