I agree wholeheartedly with DBH. I remember having a similar awakening when I started to recover. I began to uncover so many issues from not only my relationship with my AH, but my FOO as well. I remember being sooo excited at the "secrets" I had discovered in al-anon! I was so happy and wanted to share my enlightenment with my mom and sisters... And was subsequently so disappointed when they had zero interest in what I had to say. They were more comfortable in the life they knew, and didn't see anything "wrong". And I guess that's when it hit me... Maybe their way isn't wrong, maybe its just their way?!? And that's okay, for them... Not me.
I want different for me and so I accept them as they are and lovingly detach myself when their actions, choices, words get to point that threaten my serenity.
I'm no longer caught up in the drama that surrounds them, and am turned off by their need to gossip, control and manipulate each other!! I guess where I'm going with my thoughts is... If I stare too long at them and their stuff, I lose focus on me.