To me, the most important thing that you can see in real recovery is SURRENDER..an acknowledgement that they cannot get better without help, a willingness to do anything they have to to remain sober..ex. listening to other..Dr's, sponsors, people in program..a chang eof the people places and things that kept them in their addiction..a humbleness, an acknowledging that they have been done in by the addiction..these are the things I looked for..didn't get them the first time around, but I knew what MY recovery looked like and understood that the same surrender I had would be neccissary for my daughter to truly embrace recovery.When she she "got it"..I could tell.