Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
You know what I just realized ....
My H continues to TELL me how much he's working the program but all I see is that he's not at base camp (love the expression anvil). When I state that (or simply don't support his claims of how hard he's working) he tells me I am not seeing all his work and I've been believing it.
I've been letting AH define my reality for me instead of ME trusting MY gut that has told me despite what he is saying, that he is in no way invested in his "R".
I guess I've been feeling like in order for what I feel and see to be real, it has to be confirmed and agreed upon by my AH. Of course that is NOT going to happen. Duh. Why didn't I get that until now.
As for the sponsor boundary. I actually tried that a while back, he said he had one and would tell me he was calling him when he was really calling his brother.
How do I "measure" what he tells me about recovery? Some things you can't "see" so all I can do is blindly believe OR ?????
My experience: you should be able to "see" it. You see it through his actions and his words - he will become more sensible, responsible, calm, serene. The long-time RA's I meet have a different energy about them. I have found a few that I would just like to hang out with all the time- they have good energy. And they "get" life. Conversations with them make sense and are logical.
It's been coming up on 5 months in AA for my RAH. I am just now seeing occasional glimmers of the program coming out in his actions. Oh yeah, he talks the program really, really well! But walking it? That seems to be the hardest part, and what takes the longest. So now, when he asks me questions like you are getting about our relationship, I just say "I'll think about it" or "I don't know". I just don't want to go down that road. It's pointless this early in recovery, for both of us.