StarCat

This only works so far.

XABF did not help with anything around the house. He wouldn't do laundry, he wouldn't vacuum, he wouldn't dust, he wouldn't make the bed... He used to cook, in the very beginning, but stopped doing that after a week. He would occasionally do dishes, but the whole time he'd be yelling at me about how I take too long so he has to do "women's work" and when they were done they still had chunks of food all over them and I'd have to redo them. But heaven forbid I use the dishwasher, that wasn't allowed.

What he would do is decide to hang more things on the wall (and I had to hold the hammer, and his chair, and keep his pants from falling down), or rearrange the DVD's for the third time this week (and then complain because he'd get completely out of breath doing that - lung disorders and alcohol don't mix), or sit at the dining room table handing me things and telling me me where to put them, or just sit there reading the paper while I did everything.

My life was one chore after the other. I had no expectations of things he would do, because he didn't do anything. I actually wished he'd do less, because all his "doing" involved much more work for me than it did for him. I worked all day, I came home and did chores, he'd yell at me that I wasn't going to bed at the same time as him, and I wouldn't take a shower for a week because I couldn't squeeze that in between all the other things he demanded I had to do.

So having no expectations really can go too far the other way. I didn't expect him to do anything, I did completely everything, and it was a rare night when I didn't contemplate jumping off the balcony of my third floor apartment.

Zero expectations stinks.