He asked if things had been different since he got home. In some ways, sure. He doesn't go into total shutdown mode if I bring up some emotion, which is nice. On the other hand, he's still selfish and manipulative. He's not working, yet finds it OK to spend money on stuff, like driving 20 miles each way to a volunteer opportunity and then spending money at Wendy's when a) there's so much stuff for him to take care of at home and b) for the love of all that is holy there is food at home. But go ahead, spend more money. Or the sentence that came out of his mouth about 2-3 times last night ... "all you do is get mad at me when I share ... so is that going to make me want to share more or less?" 1) We're not even talking, so I don't understand how you think I always get mad, 2) Always is a pretty strong word, and c) The whole statement is such an exaggeration.
Just wanted to tell you that NONE of what you are writing about is petty. And boy do I get the spending money and wanting credit for doing what is expected and all the other narcissistic tendencies of A's (or of narcissists).
One thing that jumped out at me and I didn't know if it'd make you feel better or not to hear this (sometimes when I hear that others have similar experiences as me I feel less alone and can take it less personally) is this:
Or the sentence that came out of his mouth about 2-3 times last night ... "all you do is get mad at me when I share ... so is that going to make me want to share more or less?"
My AH says the same thing. What they want is to be able to do whatever they want with no consequences/responsibilities/obligations (that the rest of the world live by). My H has justified his lying and deceit sooooo many times (to himself and out loud to me but I don't take it anymore) by saying this exact phrase. Exact. Here's what I have figured out: he apparently thinks that "sharing" (aka being honest) things means that he should have no limits placed on what he wants/what he does and if there are limits (due to budget, time etc... other family needs) then it is about HIM and it is an affront to his personal freedom. A's just don't get the concept of not being able to have what you want when you want it 100% of the time. For all that my AH acts like a martyr he doesn't have the 1st clue about what it means to sacrifice or weigh out wants vs needs. To him, every desire is a need.
I am so sorry you are living with this. It sounds like your MC is on to him and won't accept his crap and that's a plus for you. Hang in there and do what you need to do for yourself...