Yep.
They sound very toxic, and it is a shame.
I have even had times where my RAH had made some headway by not having so much contact with them, and he started to see some things. He is very smart, and it was hard for him to realize he was the product of such dysfunction.
His oldest brother moved 300 miles away right outta high school, and is now just graduated with a masters in psychology.
He rarely comes home. He is the most like my kind of person out of their whole family, save for a few other SIL, who married into the family.
The narcissism and grandiosity of your BIL actually sounds like what my RAH is struggling with, now. He is seeing it in bits and pieces and I can see him sometimes being so overwhelemed by embarrassment at how he was raised, and what he thinks, but it is nearly impossible for him to sustain without counseling assistance, and with no tools, he will revert back to that behavior alot.
When I first met my RAH, I was so in love with him, and he was very charismatic.
His familys darkness didnt register with me at first.
Looking back, I remember going to eat dinner at a restaurant, and them having conversations about themselves, themselves themselves. It was as if they are in constant celebration of who they are, of what theythink.
I did not think at that time, that it was odd that they were meeting me for the first time, and that no one asked ONE question about me, or gave me a second look...or that there was a competitive tone coming from h=MIL, and even BIL, when I would add to the conversation.
I think, initially I mistook their grandiose sickness as a sort of JD Salinger type of family. They all seemed so charismatic and confident. I even used to describe them as a "colorful group of people.."
What was I thinking?
What you describe about how your pregnancy was vuewed as something that would hurt or challenge SILs self esteem, is so typical of RAHs family.
I would have successes. And MIL was the most normal of them, in responding to it. BUt the BIL, even cousins, always responded with their own success stories. It was as if they could not bear to acknowledge my good work, or my success. I did not care, they were on the fringes of my life...
That was then. I now see their narcissism as a real affliction. It is something that keep many of them from true happiness, and it was taught.
My son sees a lot of them, but not too much. I know they love him, and he is treated like a little prince, but the grandparents respect my wishes and guidelines, and overall are as good of grandparents that anyone could wish for.
FIL said to me once, when drunk at a wedding, (he is not a drinker, just an emotionally unavailable terrible father), that my son was the best thing in his life, and having a grandson has taught him to be less selfish.
Strange, but not really how similar these families are.