Hi Mazzie, boy do you ever sound like me. I am married to an alcoholic/addict and I feel sad, lonely, scared, and everything that I'm sure everyone on here feels or has felt. The way I try to get through it is by realizing that the disease of addiction is what causes him to do the things he does, even though he knows he is doing wrong, and he knows how much it hurts, he still "has" to feed that addiction.
The feeling of being betrayed is one of the worst feelings in the world. I don't know how long your husband has been using, but mine has been using since 2006. I only found out about this about a year and a half ago. He is not currently using drugs, but has went back to drinking pretty heavily. It's a lonely place to be for us who love them. I'm so sorry. Just stand your ground and remember that he may go to rehab, but that doesn't mean he will recover. I'm not trying to be negative, but I know that the past 4 times my husband went (he didn't stay the whole time), he only went to pacify me and his family. So in my opinion, giving ultimatums does not work. Just be sure to distance yourself as much as possible and take care of YOU (which is something I have a lot of work to do on myself). HUGS AND PRAYERS!!
-Aimee