Fitting in And being normal.
I was at a broker cocktail party tonight. What few women there were polished and professional, a little on the conservative side. The men were invariably white.
I'm white and I can do polished if I Have to....but maybe not polished and conservative at least not anymore....you see I stand out..I'm tall 5'11" in my bare feet ...my hair is long and red and a little out of control...I have a prominent nose. I spent most of my life trying to minimize these things.
I first realized I was different in kindergarten...my Mom wasn't American and my Dad was from the Bronx ...this in a town that is famous for being populated by old new England wasps...I joke about the breeding program here...lol. and I was different.
I was awkward with my classmates...unsure of my place...when I got to college I found that drinking helped me feel comfortable and fit in.
This is fairly common here on SR ...what troubles me is the constant stream of people wanting to be "normal"...and I think this goes beyond just drinking normally. It is the lack of accepting our uniqueness and wanting to fit in.
Only in embracing our being different can we ever embrace our sobriety.
I stand in the raw unfinished space of the eighth floor at the brokers party....I look at the suits, the expensive coiffures, the polished expressions ...I know how to play this role...I used to do it well. I no longer wish to.
I am different. I am sober. I am me.