No worries Stacy!
I went to an al-anon meeting and since I am so new to that group (and al-anon) a couple of people reached out to me and I was so touched by that. I think I look like a scared lost puppy (with lipstick!) during the meetings and it was nice to feel welcomed.
I still am going back and forth about contacting. I don't want it to be a punishment (someone posted about the silent treatment being a form of abuse and it got me thinking about why I was not writing, it is because I am hurt and I want him to hurt.. bad I know.).
I'm gonna write and rewrite and go over it with my therapist. Not sending it because even if silent treatment isn't ok, my not writing to clear my head and deal with my anger is ok.
Takingcharge: I do take baths as a way to 'detox' from the stressors (I have a very stressful job). Thank you for those helpful suggestions. I am going to write a letter pouring out how I feel and then NOT send that one while I write a brief (but kind) one to possibly send.
The thing is I love to write, I express myself easily through words so I actually miss writing him also for my own benefit. As someone who loves to write it is tough dealing with someone who has a panic attack when he sits down to lick a stamp.
sigh.