Thoughts at what is most likely the end, maybe my beginning
ABF leaves Friday to go to a rehab center. His parents are in town and he and they are paying bills, getting things tied up etc. for him to be gone.
He will be there at least 28 days, this means that I can live in the house in peace as long as he stays there. There are 2.5 more months until the end of the school year. I am a teacher. I would like to stay long enough to finish my year and not change my daughter's school in the 4th quarter. This may mean getting an apartment when he gets home, I guess that is a wait and see.
The wedding is off, obviously. The trip will be refunded except for $200 and the money we had paid the wedding chapel. My gown is a Halloween costume at this point. The invitations to the reception had not been mailed, but people have been told and will need to be told otherwise.
So here is my greatest guilt in leaving. His son. His son is 8. He has never known any life than a life a chaos. His mother has been busy working. She also seems to enjoy or be stuck in the drama scene. She pokes at ABF. She gets mad and threatens that he will never see his son again, then brings him back over 30 minutes later. Last night when his parents were there, things were heated, she knew they would be. She dropped him off. She wasn't working, she just said he wanted to come over.
When I moved here, he had already failed a grade. I taught him to read, I taught him to roller skate, I am teaching him to play appropriately with others.
I took him to the dentist for the first time, he had 6 cavities. I have made playdates with his classmates. I give him a regular bedtime and regular mealtimes. When at the house, he gets his homework done. His relationship with his father has gotten so much better because he has attempted to do things with us since I have been there. I have treated him as if he were my own son. I have taken him when I went on vacation. He has lived more of a normal life in the last year than he ever has. So I know I can't save the world, I'm not superwoman. And I didn't make this child, didn't cause his mother to be preoccupied in her work and in drama, I didn't cause his father to be an alcoholic and choose this over him time after time.
Anyone have any thoughts on how to disengage with this guy. I really do love him. I really do love his father. I really do wish there was some magical power to take it all away and I am grieving the loss of my family, which included both of those guys.