Really trying to turn it over...
I am in the midst of a separation from the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this, without question. He does not and has stepped back to determine if our relationship is what he wants. At first, he stepped back angrily saying he wanted to end things for good. I did not feel I did anything to provoke such anger. And I realize there is much for him to be angry about right now so I did not take his words personally. Then in a matter of days, his anger subsided. And now, he is reaching out with caring, confused and introspective thoughts and words, saying whatever happens he has 'tremendous love and care' for me.
He is a recovering alcoholic who recently received a cancer diagnosis and now has plans to move 1500 miles away. The question is - does he want me to go with him?
I want to be in his life now more than ever. We have had our challenges in the past 2+ years, but the times we have spent together have been wonderful beyond belief. My love for him is deep and real. I will take the good with the bad.
I know the best, the only thing for me to do right now is to pray... and listen and meditate. I have stepped back to allow him time and space to ponder what his future looks like. He knows what I want.
Staying busy, not talking about it much and the Serenity Prayer are helping. But sometimes obsessive thought takes over and I want an answer or some sort of hint now.
I am really trying to turn it over...