Hugs to you (((WTBH))).
You are facing a lot of tough challenges and you already faced a lot and made it through.
I felt like you felt a couple of weeks ago, thinking about my contract ending and not knowing what I would do. A friend of mine said to me that I was still counting on AH to be there for me and she suggested that I face the reality that he is not there for me.
Somehow hearing her say that and accepting it (more than I had been) is helping me stay more calm and focused (not all the time) and put 1 foot in front of the other and take care of what I need to take care of.
The good part is I make sure I enjoy where I am at. Have a laugh with the kids, take time for fun and even though I still feel real bad at times, the good times are so special for me.
Take care and best wishes for finding what you need.