Coolmummy, nothing I have experienced in recovery is tougher than parenting. Many of the themes in recovery seem to be contradictory to good parenting.
Regret at not being the parent I could have been gets me from time to time. I am healthy enough to realize that regret by itself is nothing, just a bad feeling that gets me nowhere. I know that I have amends to make to my children, but when and how deep to do I go? Amends are supposed to help the alcoholic be at peace with the past. What the person does with the amends is really that person's deal. I suppose this is still true with your kids, but it does not feel right. There has to be something more I can do for them other that say "Sorry, I was a drunk and a lot of the ca-ca in your life is mine."
My first thought is that I/we will deal with these things as we move forward, but the danger for me is that I will get lazy and not be open. I am not a very available person when it comes to emotions, and duh, neither are my kids. We could easily go for decades not talking about deeper than fishing. On the other hand it would be irresponsible for me to blow up their lives because of my problems.
I don't have a solution, other than I think if I stay sober, and stay on the path to recovery, solutions will become clear and I will have the courage to do what is right. I just wanted to say I feel your pain and wish you a happy mother's day.