Trying to make today day 1 again
Started posting here a few weeks ago when I'd managed to get to 2 or 3 days sober with the help of AA.
On the 3rd day, after the AA meeting, I bought a bottle of wine on the way home. I have no idea why. After I had the first glass, I went and bought another one. Next morning, there was most of a bottle left so I drank it at around 9am.
From there, the last two weeks have been a constant bender. I've drunk when I got up every morning and then literally spent all day (using a rapidly declining overdraft) in the pub.
For some reason, yesterday, even though I drank all day, when I got home I didn't actually feel very drunk. I tried to ring AA but couldn't get through. I posted in the chat rooms on here a bit. I actually read my book for a bit in bed before going to sleep for the first time in two weeks (normally just sort of pass out).
The convulsions were still pretty bad this morning but not as bad as normal. They seem to have passed now and just have a little bit of a shake. Weirdly this is more like day 3 of the withdrawal last time. Strange.
Just managed to make myself clear up my living room for the first time in a fortnight. It was a horrible mess. But I sort of had an epiphany this morning that this disgusting environment was triggering drinking. Small step but a good one.
I do have a bottle of wine in the flat. I hope I can find the strength to tip it away. Can't quite manage that yet.
There is an AA meeting tonight at 8pm. If I can stay sober today, I should be okay to drive by then so will go.
Not feeling positive at the moment, just feeling desperate and out of choices.
But, sitting here sober at half past midday and drinking a pint of water at the moment which is a massive step forward for me. Huge number of other jobs to do around the flat to keep me occupied so fingers crossed.
Thanks for all the support on here and sorry if I was a bit snappy in the chat room last night.