I was also reminded to be grateful recently when two coworkers got married, if you saw the outsides they are in love, have traveled together, he is a good person, etc.
Only I know their neighbor and he told me about the frequent yelling at odd hours of the night.
Only I went to his birthday party some time ago and he was drunk as hell, broke a bottle, fought with the girlfriend, got nasty until another guy his height and weight calmed him down.
I was there in the kitchen with his slightly more sober friends and thought: I was that girlfriend not so much time ago, putting up with such a guy, putting up with his drunken friends until 6 AM - thinking it was love. And thinking no one else knew about his problem.
They got married recently and everything was fine and he did not get superdrunk but I was there seeing her, this sweet Japanese young woman who has never drank for all the times we have shared social stuff at work, and I was grateful it was not me. And they showed pictures and ALL of them had HIM as the main point of attention. She was more like... landscape.
Come to think of it, she is also perfect for him as she is alone in this country, her whole family and friends are in Japan and just came for the wedding. A hostage.
Perfect match does not mean healthy match. Like my dad who married a woman 20 years ago and they will die together - they are raging codependents and not because they are together they are getting any healthier. Quite the contrary: he has cut ties with his family thanks to her and thanks to his lack of character to put boundaries and accept he has responsability as a father, and son, and brother as well.
Then I go back and look at my life and the chances for growth and I am grateful I get another chance to first have a good relationship with myself and go after what I enjoy, be safe, not be yelled at EVER by ANYONE, not feel fear anymore, and I feel blessed and saved by HP because I can see reality now and experience love, be someone different than what I have been and what I had learned and what I have seen. Become me - not anyone's shadow, not anyone's hostage, not anyone's possesion, not anyone's toy for the day.
Ah.. gratitude, the ultimate healer!!
Thanks for letting me share