1. no, you don't necessarily "find out in time". some things are hidden in the deepest parts of ourselves - when we have done things in conflict with our value system, WE know the violation. and WE have to live with that, and ourselves.
with some things, the pain of knowing the truth is far worse that being a little in the dark, even thought you may feel as though you don't completely know the whole person you're married to.
who ever really truly does?
2. he may not be speeding ahead with his recovery. but,
terry, you are judging his process.
i know, i know, i know! it looks and feels a certain way to you. and you may be right on the money. however, it is not yours (ours) to discern.
this may very well be the very hardest piece of OUR recovery, which we can find through al-anon, the steps, and of course, soberrecovery
terry, you must be hurting over this. i'm sorry. bodies lie in the wake of alcoholism. the good news is, you can heal.