Welcome here!
Please read over many threads here.
Scapegoating is one of the main coping mechanisms alcoholics use to keep themselves from feeling the pain over their own actions.
U are not nuts. He probably is doing those things, and only you can remove yourself from the dynamic.
I am sorry you feel like you are losing your sense of self.
It can get stronger again.
Please look up alanon in your town, and go to the top of this forum page and read all of the stickies.
In this case, and at this stage ,knowledge is your power!
Keep posting!