Hello VoyagerIsol, welcome to SR.
You've already received some great responses. I hope you will take a look at the helpful posts recommended by StarCat, they're excellent resources. The threads listed about abuse are very informative. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
my anger and rage at how crazy it is that alcoholics think their behavior is normal and their treatment of people is normal
Anger can be just the fuel I need to make necessary changes in my life. One of my counselors taught me to use my emotions as tools instead of allowing them to rule over me. Anger doesn't solve problems but instead makes them worse...and there is no excuse for violent behavior.
it's a very different thought process from other Alanonics who continue feeling low self esteem at being compared to other women, and that self esteem low and inability to say no extends to all walks of their life-
There will always be those who are still learning how to protect themselves and make better choices within their relationships; and there are those who have advanced in their recovery... May I suggest you try several different meetings and introduce yourself to those who _do_ have some more recovery time. I learned from those who had what I wanted....and steered clear of those who were just filling a chair in the room. There are many, many people within the rooms of Al-Anon who can be wonderful examples for you to follow; finding them is worth the effort.
You are worth the effort.
I'm so glad you found us here. You don't have to face this alone, there are so many great people here who care & understand.