Why?
Putmeontheair, why do you want to know? Staying or not staying, going or not going, and going back or not going back are very individual circumstances and I don't think any of our decisions here can be relevant to you in terms of experience, strength, or hope. We are all over the board on this. You will get every answer and every opinion. You can certainly cherry pick the answers you like the most, but is that really helpful to you?
What this makes me think, however, is that you are looking for validation of a decision you've already made. Are you in recovery for yourself? Do you go to Alanon? It seems to me you need to focus on yourself and your present circumstances rather than future tripping.
It's a complete waste of time to plan a future with an alcoholic unless they are fully engaged in recovery.
My two cents.
Cyranoak
P.s. Today, eight months sober, I'm glad I stayed. If, however, I had the entire relationshipo to do over I wouldn't even start. What I have now was not worth ten years of my life, especially 35-45, the sweet spot.