Old 03-31-2011, 11:15 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
GettingBy
Member
 
GettingBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Welcome VoyagerIsol....

First off, living with active alcoholism and the behaviors that go along with it is not healthy for anyone. When we are stuck in the middle of the raging storm, we develop coping mechanisms. We adapt to the war around us... and that adaption is generally not healthy. We react to the actions/accusations/fears... our reactions range from yelling, screaming, crying, begging, controlling. We know deep down that something isn't right, yet what we don't realize is that there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, we can do to control it, cure, and we didn't cause it.

What they do, it's not our fault. We have only control over ourselves, our choices, our actions.

So, here you are. Aware. Did you do things that are less than desirable? Sure. But we've all been there. Forgive yourself and learn from it. You have choices now. You can continue to use those coping mechanisms and behaviors you learned/developed over those 2 years... or... you can go to Al-anon and recover and learn new, better, healthier behaviors.

As you recover, you will learned how to identify unacceptable behavior... and you'll learn that you don't have to accept the unacceptable. It's okay to look at someone and say, "Your behavior/choices/actions are unacceptable to me. I don't want this for my life." And that's it. NO more arguing, begging, pleading, etc. Plain old, straight forward communication.

Al-anon can help you get there... it certainly helped me!

Take what you like and leave the rest!
Shannon
GettingBy is offline