What a great thread! Thank you to all who shared their words of wisdom. I have to admit when I read Strongenuf's first post about him wanting sex it made me laugh.. like really.. are guys that clueless? But like someone pointed out men use sex as a way to show love, unlike women who really need to feel loved in order to have meaningful sex. Someone else pointed out that we codies tend to cave into sex, which sends the wrong message to our AH/ASO (thank you I needed to hear that one!).
I also really liked the abuse cycle comment. Two weeks ago that came up in my therapy session. It helped me to understand the "dance". It helped me to see my part in the cycle. For me, like others pointed out here, the honeymoon phase was where I thought my AH actually "got it" this time. Wow how many times did I think he got it!? Left me feeling used.. not a good feeling at all. We are at the point where some of you are at ... I am not dancing anymore, I am emotionally distancing myself right now so that I can focus on ME (I need to get healthy) and he is doing the same(at least I would like to think he is), which sadly includes no intimacy. While I would like to think somewhere down the line we will be able to rebuild our relationship, I am not planning on this, and should it actually happen it will be something that will take a while... via "sustained action"... love that, thank you LateeDA. I just pray that when and if I allow myself to trust my AH again there was enough sustained action to make reality and not more dancing.