Being stuck in evasion and distraction and the same old, same old is NOT the same as moving on.
Moving on takes
brutal honesty and
courage.
This link helped me
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...special-i.html
Also I have the "fortune" to see XABF often as I work with him. I could have been fooled believing he was really
wonderful and found someone
wonderful! He is still the
jerk he always was, he still
drinks the same or more, he still doesn't think he has an issue at all. And yes his GF drinks way more than he does. Perfect match, she makes him look like the Healthy One
I talked about this "how come many men do not spend a lot of time of time single" with my therapist, she told me its all about Codependent Mommy Issues. They need a mom figure. Not a partner. A caretaker.. someone who will love them no matter how bad they behave... or, someone to put up with abuse... someone to use as emotional punching bag or worse... whatever they learned from their moms...
are you willing to be that person? I am glad to report I no longer want any abuser in my life! and that's the end of it. Don't go beyond that point. What do you want? What do you deserve? What can you do today, for you?
I love the ring idea!! I have one that is a silver snake.. I'll wear it more often, I loved that "self commitment" idea
Really take a good look at the "prize".. a
very very good look at it... you'll feel better!
Also if you can take some classes, like box/kick boxing etc, it helps a lot!!
I have been congratulated by my teachers because when doing the exercises I imagine I am punching XABF... just yesterday I was told I was hitting with a lot of strength and I thought "its not strength, its just anger!".... then I am too exhausted to worry about anything but me and dinner and sleeptime-
BTW in the gym there are handsome guys around, providing some eye candy.
And you get in shape.
IF everything fails I google images for 'George clooney'. NOW there's a Man.
Remember the ones who really want to change are in the rooms and in SR struggling and making efforts and taking actions and spending money in therapy and even so its slow and difficult. Why do you think someone who
does absolutely nothing has changed?