Originally Posted by
bevin 
Believe it or not, it has also happened when I'm watching TV when someone is looking directly at the camera. It makes no sense.
No way i didnt know that that could happen. I would sometimes get paro that people are looking and listening to me when im even on my own. I have to admit that sometimes i think there is a camera in my room, and also i think with my webcam, somebody is looking at me. But i think thats just me being paro ha!! I think having anxiety disorders can make us really paro people, especilly when you mix addiction into things!! I also sometimes feel that people are directing things at me, like things people say or do. Also something that can trigger anxiety for me is, i can think people will be able to know who i am for ex. on the site. I am an extremely paro person...and i obsess about things ALOT. One tiny thing can occupy my mind and there is no getting rid of the thought and it can be extremely distressful.
Originally Posted by
bevin I don't know how old you are, but I have a feeling that you are too young to say 'never'. Try not to stress out too much about the rest of your life and just deal with now. Things can change so much in just a few years.
I do try to remain positive. It is hard tho, because it can make you feel defeated, but however defeated i feel, i will never stop looking for that 'magic cure'. I do hope and its the best i can do at the moment ya no? I have so much ambition that i will try not settle for this (anxiety voice inside me makes me think its like this for life, but i am trying to overide it!)
Originally Posted by
bevin I made the decision to quit because it was making the anxiety completely unmanageable
So you suffered from anxiety before your drinking problem began? Only asking because i am trying to gain a deeper understanding of where i might be heading with my behaviours. Good tho, you were able to get a view on the ways things would be better for you if you gave up, and then putting that view into action. Action is always the hard part, but you have done it and i hope continue doing so...
Originally Posted by
bevin I spent all day obsessing about when I'd be able to drink next, and I've had a couple of periods where I've been a morning/all day drinker.
Well it is good now that you are in recovery and things are improving for you. My drinking patterns do not involve thinking about drinking. It only happens when i have to go out to a group of people. I will drink to escape the anxities. but i know this in the long run will make things only more difficult for me and i am aware of where i may be headed with alcohol.
Originally Posted by
bevin You mentioned that you thought you should stop doing drugs in an earlier post. Were you just talking about Xanax or are there other things?
Oh no, other things too. I know drink is a drug but right now i do not have the strenght or will-power to stop drinking. I do plan to at some point. I dunno when yet. I am not physically addicted to alcohol, but i am psychologically dependant on it for a lot of things.
I have given up drugs. Well i have only been off them 10days (one weekend) and hope there will be many more days where that came from. Every time a weekend approaches it scares me tho, as it is another time i have to be strong.
I still take xanax, this is because if i didnt have them i wouldnt be able to do anything. I do nothing already and the little i do, xanax allows me to do it. As much as i hate to say that, thats the way it is for me right now (right now being the main words!).