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Old 03-30-2011, 01:40 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
AnthonyV
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 165
I had my first encounter with recovery twenty years ago when I went into an inpatient rehab at age 24. At that time I didn't want to face any of the negative consequences of drinking and using but I still wanted to use. I had been in and out of a certain fellowship that shall remain nameless several times in the last two decades and did a couple more outpatient rehabs. For me there were always self-fulfilling mind traps that sabotaged my success. But the biggest obstacle was that I continued to want to drink and use, I just didn't want any negative consequences.

All that changed in the last year or two when I developed a severe hate for my drinking and using. I never really hit a "bottom" in the sense of losing job, house, family or any of that stuff. But I had isolated myself so much that the impact of my drinking and using only affected me, my lack of relationships, my health and my happiness. Even so, I was so trapped in my drinking and using patterns that it took me the good part of almost two years to be able
to find an exit strategy from my destructive behavior. I had to literally start by trying to
visualize what my life could be like sober. It wasn't easy at first, but I eventually got to the point where I wanted sobriety so badly I picked up the phone and called to enter another outpatient rehab. I talked about that in the tread I started entitled "Giving it another try". Thanks to the rehab, SMART Recovery, diet, excercise, meditiation, a vision and goals for my life and some hard work I feel solid and confident in my recovery and know there is no turning back to that miserable existence I used to call life.
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