One nugget I wrote down from this board is this:
Pity is just an emotion. You don't have to ACT on it. In fact, you shouldn't. You should act from your facts and logic. Pity is just an emotion. Feel it all you want, but do anything based on it. Same with fear.
That really helps me when I am feeling sorry for the very person who has put me and my children in this situation due to his selfishness.