wanttobehealthy

I'm feeling better than I have in years; not happy and thrilled with life as it is, but at peace, a sense of serenity that I've literally never felt, a feeling of "hey, it's time to focus JUST on me and my kids and I'm allowed to do that"...

All of that said, I found myself today, feeling bad for AH. He hasn't been in touch a ton (though we do have dinner with the girls together most nights for their sake) but today he emailed a few times and wasn't overly sucking up, but was just nice. There haven't been any accusations, obnoxiousness, projections etc... for a few days and I've put my foot down and called him on some stuff he's said since the weekend and he's taken it surprisingly well.

So, tonight sitting here at home, knowing he's staying in a miserable place (I know, I know, it's his doing and he could find somewhere else if he wanted to badly enough) I feel kind of bad for him and found myself tempted to call and offer that he could sleep on the couch until he finds a more permanent solution.

I am not calling or rather, I have not called and don't plan to. But I'm feeling that codependent voice (I call it caring but I think it's not healthy probably) and am trying to fight it.

He is currently living at his job. He could be fired bc of this but still isn't willing to talk to someone at AA about staying with them, my mom has offered he could stay at her house, he could ask friends at work, he could ask his family for money so he could get a room for rent... But he doesn't want to let anyone know that we are separated is my guess and so he's staying at work. I feel guilty that I have the nice comfy house and he's miserable.

He can not pay to stay somewhere bc we have no extra money at all and with my job just getting cut every penny counts. I had been staying at my moms with the girls and he told me to come home with them and he'd go elsewhere but now I feel like I should go back to my moms so that he has a place to stay.

I don't know where the codependent line begins or ends and where being courteous and accomodating fits in here... Should I go back to my moms with the girls so he has a place to stay? Should I let him stay on the couch so that a) he doesn't risk getting fired? This is one of those situations where I shouldn't do for him what he can do for himself BUT at the same time, the actions he's taking (staying at his workplace) have the potential to seriously impact his kids and I and so I wonder where I should or if I should step in.

I'm confused I guess.

For my entire life I've been abnormally obsessed with worrying about others' feelings and trying to solve problems for others that I really don't know where normal begins and codependent begins...

Any advice/thoughts is appreciated!