Hi Pickme,
I have an AH who 'flips out' if he thinks that I have been talking about him. He doesn't like me vising SR, Al-anon or going to therapy and sometimes makes comments about me going and talking about him again. He certainly doesn't like me emailing my mum and best friend and has demanded to look at my emails before so he can check what I am saying to them.
I dont care! Thats his problem not mine and I have changed my password, so he cant see anymore. As my therapist pointed out, I wouldn't be visiting this site or talking about how his alcoholism is effecting me with my mum and best friend, if he wasn't an alcoholic. I do what I need to do to stay healthy, to learn and for support whether he likes it or not.
I think that it has something to do with alcoholics egos. I know mine thinks he is the worlds worst person, often calling himself names and seems to find other people knowing about him too much to bear. There is also a part of the disease that thrives on secrecy and some alcoholics will make their partners feel guilty for even discussing the problem outside of the home. That is not healthy for the partner who will need support or Al-anon for their own sake and often secrecy allows the disease to continue.
Have you tried Al-anon Pickme? It could help whether you exit the relationship or not. You are entitled to discuss what is troubling you with other people that you choose without being called a blabbermouth. Please dont take what you RABF said to you, to heart, it is a pretty normal, unreasonable response for an alcoholic to say, sober or not. Just because he says it doesn't mean its true.