This time I have given myself to "get ready" has really given me a chance to begin to fully comprehend just how deeply pervasive an alchoholics behavior can be.
This entire web (of lies) of an alternative reality that my AH lives in, and that I was living in with him, is just too strong for any one person to break through.
Even, the whole dream that I had been clinging to for so long of "when I get my residency and can work things will be different" Because I have never paid for his beer in our whole relationship, and would not start now.
The denial part, was allowing myself to believe that he had not already thought of it.
That's why it was so great what Chino posted about him not ever letting me work! Until then, no one had ever said that to me out loud, and I dared never think it.
Again, I am so greatful for this website!
It's so sick always allowing myself to go without these past 2 years, and always telling myself "it's only temporary"
What I should have been saying is "What kind of man let's his wife suffer so?"
Well I am saying that now. I guess that's what is important.
And one more thing.....if he had been like this in the beginning, I never would have let it get this bad. I would have cut and run a long time ago.
But its like they know this. Almost as if having this disease gives them special powers to plan everything 10 steps ahead!