Damn, Tuff! You said it.
I feel the SAME way!
My AH didn't handle stress well, but his junk wasn't aimed at me.
When I got near the DO NOT GO THERE box, holy schmolie! Who is this guy? Who is this angry, bitter, sarcastic, depressive, denying, confusing man? Where did the man I married go? How do I get him back?
He was always, obviously, all the good AND yuck. I participated in the denial of the depressed, snotty, in-denial side.
I avoided pushing those buttons. I chose to push them, eventually. I am dealing with the consequences of MY choices. And yet...I do feel SHOCKED at this other side. I still feel SHOCKED at his inability to OWN responsibility. His inability to address things. His inability to stop defending. His inability to be open or tell the full truth. His inability to stop protecting.
I'm a smart girl, too. And, I agree that a healthier woman would not tolerate his shananigans.
I'm working on that while I soothe my broken heart.
fp