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Old 03-28-2011, 09:02 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
FindingPeace1
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Welcome! You're in the right place.
Keep reading.
Check out the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It really helped me.

The thing that struck me was this:

Sometimes I wish he'd just take a drink so I could leave. Sometimes I wish he'd just tell me to leave.

I GET this.
What is a good ENOUGH reason to leave a marriage? It feels like nothing.
I have a wonderful husband...when he's not sneaking, hiding, grumping, or lying about alcohol. And honestly, that is not often.
How could I leave all the good stuff? And how could I break my marriage vows?

Well, I will tell you what, sister, I read my butt off here. What I found was women that were beaten (!) by their husbands and wondering how they could break their marriage vows!
So, am I waiting to be treated like that much dirt?
Yuck.
If I were to suppress myself to the point that I could ALLOW myself to be that abused, is it possible even THEN I would be looking at the NEXT level of awful and rationalizing that if THAT happened, then I'd really feel justified in leaving? Yes. It's possible.

It NEVER feels good to leave. So, if we are waiting for it to feel right or justified or okay or good, we'll stay forever.

You don't need a "better" reason than the list you've already given to say you want a separation.
You deserve to be treated well.
It doesn't feel good and that, my dear, is enough.

Hugs.
peace
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