((jamaicame)) hugs to you.
It's tough and I felt the same way too but after over a year of trying to "fix" the problems and also thinking AH has "mental issues" I realize that taking care of my self is upholding my vow of being there in sickness and in health.
If I don't take care of myself there is no way I am going to be here for anyone, KWIM.
I finally realized that it is not ok for me to support my AH choice to not seek sobriety and recovery. If he is choosing this path and I am left trying to hold the marriage together instead of following a path of healthy recovery for myself than I am not upholding the vows of marriage.
I am so grateful for the direction I am heading, separated from my AH and look forward to gaining back more of my lost self and energy.
Have you tried alanon, that is very helpful to me.
Many people say A's break wedding vows of love, honor and cherish - I am starting to believe that my vow of love, honor and cherish means leaving my AH alone to seek and embrace the treatment and recovery that he needs if he makes that choice.