Cyranoak,
We were socialized differently than you were. We were taught to behave, to please our partners, to keep the peace. Some of us have reason to fear violence from our alcoholics. It's simply a different situation to be a woman in a relationship with an alcoholic man than it is to be a man in a relationship with an alcoholic woman.
We share some of the same pain and frustration and desire to help. But the bottom line is, it's not as easy or as practicable to fearlessly do what you want to do from where we sit as it would be for you.
You're a good guy--but a lot of the guys the women here are dealing with are not. And it also isn't as easy to walk away for many of the women here for a lot of reasons, including economic dependency, responsibility for young children where there may be limited ability to get childcare, lack of confidence, the very realistic fear of what the alcoholic might do if they try to leave.
So cut us some slack, here--we are all doing the best we can and are working on getting stronger every day.