Sorry to post twice - one more thing to share as I re-read the thread and focused on something you posted about saving the children.
I used a visualization a lot in the rough months of leaving my husband. My xah was treading water with a huge lead weight on his feet. I was hanging on to one of his hands and treading water too. In his other hand he had a key to the lead weight (alcoholism). All he had to do was reach down and unluck it but he would not. When I finally decided to leave him I really felt like I was drowning. My head was dipping below the water and I looked over at my children on the shore........and I let go of him and swam. I have tears in my eyes just writing this because it really did feel so bad, like I was leaving him to drown, but it was a struggle just to get to shore I was so tired and confused...and my sweet children were waiting there so scared and alone - watching their parents dip under the water.
I'm sharing now because just recently I think I've made it to shore...and I realize that I have my own lead weights - and I'm the only one with a key. I look again at my children on the shore. I must do what their father did not. I must reach down and turn the lock, so I can swim to them. The weight doesn't ever go away - we have to unlock it.
The children on the shore do not care how many people have weights on their feet and what they are doing about it. They don't really care how the weights got there. They are looking at me and wondering what I'm going to do about it - so I can swim back to them. I'm much stronger now and I will unlock it.
I'm sharing this as a way to help you see that you have the power to unlock your weights and swim to shore. Your children are adults now, and that is different, but my guess is that right now, starting from today, they aren't so concerned with what your husband is doing about his weights, they are wondering what you are going to do about yours and if you are going to get back to shore or not.
PS - this type of thing helps me get motivated, take action, and stay focused so I'm sharing in that spirit.