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Old 03-27-2011, 02:27 PM
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tigerlilly4
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 9
Unhappy New to this. Trying to let go.

I came across this website recently and identified with so much of what I saw written. I wanted to put my story out there to see what you all have to say...I am just feeling so lost and sad as I am trying to let go.

So, here's the Cliff's Notes version.

I was in a relationship for four years with an alcoholic. (We lived together). We had, what I thought, was a good, strong relationship. The only thing that ever came between us was his drinking. There was never any denial about that; he just didn't want to change. Well, he finally decided to go to rehab a couple of months ago and recently completed the program. I thought, "FINALLY! He will get sober, and we'll live happily ever after."

Shortly after entering the rehab facility, he became very distant from me. I was supposed to be part of the family counseling sessions/visitations, but he did not invite me. Instead of making changes together, he pushed me away. Finally, he said he could not live together anymore or be in a relationship. I understood that he felt he needed to move out. I wasn't sure I was ready for him to come back home as it was quite peaceful/stable not having to worry about his drinking. But I had not wanted to end the relationship as it seemed we had a real shot at making things work since he is committed to sobriety.

He told me he just needs to start his life completely over (yet he still sees the same friends) and learn to be independent. He needs to find a new job, place to live, go to meetings/counseling, etc. and he just doesn't have the time or energy to devote to a relationship. He said he knows he loves me, but he's been living lies for the past several years to himself and others, and he doesn't know what he wants. He said he doesn't know if we have a future or not, but that he hopes to find me again when he gets better.

I wish I knew what he was thinking. Why does he not want to include me in his new life? Why did he make such a rash decision to throw away a 4-year-relationship in his first two months of sobriety? I just don't get it. I know I need to let go, but I'm so confused and hurt. I wish I could be angry at him, but I just can't.

I feel such a loss...of parts of myself; of my boyfriend; my roommate; my best friend.
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