Can only speek for myself and guys i know... and 'no' we dont see it different to women.
Whats right is right and whats wrong is sill wrong, i dont think gender matters relating to such views.
As for the pastor? Alarm bells would ring for me im afraid, and i wouldn't ever be able to communicate with them again.
Your AH? I think anyone who has suspicions based on 'fact' owes it to the welfare of children to come forward.
I think its a real tragedy, what pedophilia has done to society in terms of 'paranoia', its unreal. I heard a story about some guys i know who were on-site at a school. They were approached by these happy and curious kids. Later they were told not to talk to the children! We all understand the message they were trying to protect the kids and it wasn't personal of course, but for God sake that is how children need to grow up! Its going to change it all, and not for the better im sure. JMO.