lately at dinner he just has this glazed look in his eyes, and I know tomorrow he won't remember any of it. When I ask if he's drunk he always says "No I'm not" and offers to recite ABCs backward, walk a line, do a math problem and I feel like I'm just being silly to even ask.
In my eyes, if he's glazed over and won't remember it the next day, he is drunk and he's trying to convince you he's not, which means he is trying to hide it. My A would do this to me. If you asked him he was never drunk. What I found out was that he was carrying a .2 BAL just to get through the day like a normal person.
While I was waiting for a response I started to read some of the older posts around here. I really hate to admit it, and can't believe it but he fits well under a functioning alcoholic.
The only thing is, he doesn't drink often, but when he does he doesn't seem to know when to stop. He says he isn't an alcoholic, that he knows what he is doing and doesn't "HAVE" to drink, he always cites that his father was so bad he had to drink in the shower and he doesn't so that means he's fine. I mean can you really be an alcoholic when you only down 1-2 beers every other night and maybe a shot of vodka or some other hard liquor? (on weekdays anyway- weekends he doesn't have a limit once it's nightime) He also offers to not drink that particular moment if I ask him not to, suggesting he can control himself.
One of the things that I have really learned here is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. It starts off relatively manageable and descends into chaos over time as the alcoholic continues to drink, deny, and delude him or herself. Your BF is looking at his father and other alcoholic family members as "real" alcoholics, but your BF's inability to control his intake and level of sobriety, his unwillingness to honor your feelings about his drunken behavior, and his willingness to smudge your boundaries, indicate that there could be an issue here that you are wise to acknowledge.