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Old 03-26-2011, 04:03 AM
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Beardo
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 38
Bad couple of weeks

Hi all,

I've been trying to make myself post this for at least a week now, and I'm probably posting it in the wrong place, but at least I'm typing so so be it.
I've been having a really rough time for the last 2 weeks, thankfully I'm still c & s but it's all really getting to me.
Work has been really stressful, my home life isn't going well at all, I'm having troubles with my parents and my depression is putting in a massive effort to take over my life for the umpteenth time.
Work is pretty much sorting itself out so I won't bother writing about it.
Home is really really tough.......my wife and I have been fighting alot, we're both feeling like we're not getting much support from each other. I'm 90% sure she has some form of PND and have been begging her to get some professional help with it which she is refusing to do. I can see in her behaviour some of the things I've done when I've been in a real bad place and I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm working really hard to support my family, loooong hours, very early starts and it's hard physical work. I come home and clean up after her and the kids, feed the animals, put the kids to bed etc etc and still I get accused of being lazy and doing nothing for anyone but myself. I spent a long time doing the wrong thing by my family and I'm trying so hard to make up for it and make sure I never do it again and I feel like I get kicked in the teeth for my effort.
I probably sound like the biggest whinger in this post, I'm sorry.
I don't know wether the depression is causing problems or the problems are causing the depression, but I can feel myself sliding backwards. I've had the worst cravings for drink and dope in the last fortnight than anytime since I cleaned up. Like I said it's taken me at least 10 days to work up the courage to write this, every time I'd sit down to do it I'd get thoughts like, 'everyone on here is going to think you're pathetic' 'noone really cares' 'noone will reply' 'you're going to sound stupid' 'they'll all think you're a loser' etc etc. I could type another 40 lines of bs reasons I've given myself not to post.
Anyways, I really am feeling ridiculous at posting this so I'll leave it here before I delete it. Thanks for reading.
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