My ABF has been sober for 7 days now. And I finally understand what everyone means about alcohol disappearing, but the problems staying the same.
I am frustrated by the fact that he is sober, but not "in recovery"...not doing AA or working a program, which gives me little hope for long-term sobriety. I even heard him on the phone with a friend, saying that being sober was his plan "for the next month or so." He has been seeing a psychiatrist, but just revealed that they don't do talk therapy, only medications. (He told me before that they were doing both). He has gone to a couple of AA meetings, but says it's not for him.
In the meantime, I was with him the weekend of his detox at home. I guess that is the codie in me. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to support him, etc. He, unfortunately, fell and bruised his ribs, and has been in a lot of pain since. I feel bad for him, I really do, but I am also finding it so frustrating to be his babysitter. He has been acting unbelievably selfish and entitled, and Im ready to jump ship. The person that has always said that I should prioritize myself now wants me at his beck and call. And it is weird, it feels like all the times when he was drinking, and I refused to enable him (give him rides, cook food, take care of him, etc.) are rearing up and now I'm putting his socks on for him!
I am also feeling sad that I feel like I am falling out of love with this person I thought was the love of my life. We are both in our late 20s, and there is so much good going on in my life. I have a good job, good friends, and was just accepted to the top graduate program in a highly competitive field. I have been self-supporting since I was 17. He is borrowing money from his parents for rent, legal fees (DUI in February), has $100k of debt, and NOT looking for jobs. As much as we have a romantic connection, it feels like the practical aspects of the relationship are so painfully lacking. He is a beautiful soul and has become a best friend, but I don't want a kid, I want a boyfriend. He even asked me why I was in love with him, or how I could be because he's so depressed. He told me that he thinks about killing himself. Doesn't make plans, but has passing thoughts about ending his life, and has had them for over ten years.
I am wondering if things will get better? It's only been seven days, and I knew this would be a hard road, but didn't imagine that things would fall apart so fast and so hard. Maybe I really was blinded by the alcohol. His not working a program seems to be the epitome of his aimlessness. I feel sad that I don't feel love for him right now. I don't even want to talk to him or see him anymore. His birthday is next week, and we are taking a trip, and I don't even want to go, and I don't want to do anything for his birthday either. His selfishness is honestly infuriating me, and I want to run run run away, as everyone told me when I FIRST started dating an alcoholic. His sobriety seems to have made everything worse.
Thanks for letting me vent. Your thoughts and experience are much appreciated.