Thanks everyone. Yes, I go to Alanon, I have been reading and coming to SR often, I have been going to an MFT with my RABF and I have started seeing my own therapist between sessions with BF. I know in theory that all this takes time, I have been the one saying from the get go that undoing years of this thinking doesn't happen in a few weeks or sessions.. I KNOW this as much as anyone can know this. I guess its two steps forward one step back... the last two days have been a step back.