My RABF admitted yesterday that he doesn't see himself "in recovery." He hasn't had a drink in about 40 days or so and is doing very well so far... we are "going through the fire" so to speak with regards to social situations. But this realization has me.. ugh, afraid! I've been afraid all along that he was doing it for me, and he said recently (when i asked) that... "at first, he stopped drinking for me. But now, he is trying to convince himself of all the benefits of quitting, more healthy, can lose weight, will save money, won't get into anymore trouble around alcohol, no more hangovers, etc." All good things! And I try to take things day by day, but yesterday and today, I just can't take it by the day. I really do love my RABF, or I suppose its abstinent ABF at this point, semantics really (I KNOW there IS a difference)... but the future potential for relapse and resentment from him scares the he!! out of me. And I guess the fact that maybe he's simply not ready to admit he's an alcoholic is part of it. I know I've heard him say that he "knows he can't control his drinking," but I see that he hasn't fully accepted what that means to him. I've been an emotional wreck, mostly crying and feeling anxious. He has been trying to comfort me and telling me to try and be patient, and try to just live for today. But the fear has overwhelmed me. I said to myself twice a few minutes ago, the fears are out of my control, I can't control this, I need to let it go... and then I just cry more because I just can't figure out how to let it go. This is probably the third post I've made about how I can't let go of my fears, whatever they are. I've been reading the "Language of Letting Go," it only helps a little. So, thanks for listening. And any advice is welcomed
