Hi there, little about me, I met a great man about 7 months ago, we have a fantastic relationship. He is very open sweet and smart. I knew he had a past with drugs and alcohol but 3 months in he admitted he had started again. He told me he was checking himself into rehab. Well four months later, he has completed a 90 day program and is now in sober living and working the hell out of his program. I got into Alanon about 2 months ago, I have been blessed with the best sponsor I could have possibly chosen and I too am working the hell out of my program lol. This is my dilemma:
Although I completely understand that his program and recovery HAVE to come first, and I know that its up to me to make myself happy and entertain myself, I still at times just get flustered about time with him. We work separate hours he works nights and me days, so we only get to see each other on the weekends, which as you might imagine I was hogging all his time on weekends. I realized this was a mistake. My sponsor has told me how his head is spinning and that they say he should not be in a relationship right now but it is something we both want and she and his sponsor are cool with it because we were together before he found sobriety and have a very good calm sweet relationship without alot of drama and I am in program also and doing my best to understand the situation.
At the same time, my sponsor has told me to completely back off, which I did, I dont call or text him first and I leave it up to him to contact me. Her point was even if he is in recovery, he should be doing the pursuing, which I totally agree. Me and my boyfriend worked out a system to where he asks if I want to get together a day ahead of time and its working out really good, it gives both of us freedom to do our own thing and it makes him come after me. And he has stuck to it wonderfully. I am very happy about that.
So knowing all this I still find myself bummed out if he dosent seem excited to hang out on the weekend (which has only happened once, lol) I know that is not right for me to do. I have a ton of other things I can do and I do have alot of friends and things to keep me busy and happy but I really miss him and want to spend that time when we have it. If he was into me wouldn’t he be a little more excited for the time we have to actually spend together? I know I should just be thankful that he is sober, treats me great and is very open about what he is going through and trying his hardest to make everything work out. I may bring this up to him at a later date but at the moment Im trying to get my head right about it first. Believe me I realize how much he has going on, Saturdays he has a meeting, then goes to a treatment center to talk to the people in detox and then meets with his sponsor. I get Saturdays are hard im not saying im entitled to eat up all his time but I worry a bit that he isn’t feeling me the same way I am him.
Im trying to find the difference between alcoholic behavior or to try to understand if maybe he isn’t as interested as I am. I understand the principles of Alanon, but I still get bummed out about it at times. I am going to call my sponsor here in a minute but thought I might get some good feedback on here also, anyone have an suggestions or examples of how they have dealt with the same type of situation?
